Gold Digger Wants To Be A Wife

from Gold Digger Wants To Be A Wife | Can Sugar Babies Level Up To Soccer Mom's?
June 7, 2020

Caller: I wanted to ask you a question, but I’m not sure if I can.

KS: Well, the thing is, I don’t... You wanted to ask Jessica a question?

Caller: No, you.

KS: Go ahead.

Caller: That’s why I called in. For me, the thing I’m struggling with: I’m trying to transition from that world into the real world. But it’s actually a real struggle for me because I’m used to the fast money. Get money fast. Spend money fast. Live the fast life.

KS: Yeah.

Caller: Now that I’m moving into the real world, I’m struggling to find a man because I’m actually always nervous that they will find out about my past. How do I navigate that and what do I do? Do I tell them or do I just keep quiet?

KS: Well...

Caller: If I keep quiet, what if it comes up someday?

KS: OK, so you’re transitioning out of sugar baby into trying to become a soccer mom?

Caller: Yeah. And I have had some interesting pictures online, but I paid like twenty thousand dollars to this company...

KS: OK, I know women who are escorts, who are actual well-known escorts who’ve transitioned. Here’s a reality: if you’re trying to find a man of a certain amount of means, he’s going to do his due diligence on you anyway. You can scrub as much as possible. The thing is, I would say: where you going? Why do you want what you want and then where are you going to get it? Because that sugar baby lifestyle, that fast money lifestyle is not the same thing, then go find a quote unquote HENRY. It’s going to be very different. And there are not a lot of suckers out there either. And that’s what I think a big misperception is that, you know, that you got guys who were making really, really good money and they are not logical men. They know why women are around them.

Caller: They know, yes.

KS: Yeah, and the question is, how old are you, let’s start with that. How old are you?

Caller: I am twenty-seven.

KS: OK. And do you want to be a wife?

Caller: Yes, that’s actually my goal before I turn thirty. I graduated from grad school last year and I’m working at...

KS: OK, so what kind of wife do you want to be? You want to be a stay at home wife? Meaning you don’t...

Caller: I want to, I want to stay at home when my kids are younger. But when they turn five, I want to go back into the real world.

KS: What do you mean, go back into the world, work?

Caller: I want to have a career once my kids get a little older.

KS: A career doing what?

Caller: I studied finance and I studied entrepreneurship in grad school, so I want to do something maybe. Right now I’m working at a financial company, but eventually I want to have my own business, do my own thing and stuff like that.

KS: Yeah, well I will tell you basically what I’m hearing: you’re going to have a real hard time. Cause one, you come from a sugar baby lifestyle where you’re in control of your own moves. You have a grad degree, already works against you. And then you say: I want a man who’s... and let’s be real, you don’t want a broke man. You want a man with significant six figures. But yet you still want to be able to go out and after your kids get school age, you want to go be back out. Those kind of men...

Caller: I want to do that. If my man...

KS: Hold on, listen. Men at that level are not looking for a woman... You have a plan you want a man to sit in. You want a wife. You’re not trying to be a wife. That ain’t gonna work. That’s not... And you’re twenty-seven? And you have this background in risky pictures? No, ma’am.

Caller: The pictures are deleted! I spent twenty thousand dollars...

KS: I don’t care if they’re deleted or not, the fact of the matter is, ma’am, you cannot... OK. You want the benefits of being a traditional feminine woman in a new masculine role. You want a wife.

Caller: Mm-hm.

KS: Why do you want your children once they’re school age for you to go back and start a career? Why do you want to do that? If you already got a husband that can take care of everything, why do you want to do that?

Caller: Well, it depends. If I have a husband who can really, really take care of me and the kids and I don’t need to work, I am not going to work.

KS: Why would you marry a man who can’t do that and give him kids?

Caller: No, I said if I find a man who can do that, I will not need to go back to work, but I don’t want to give up everything, all my power...

KS: There you go, there you go! Thank you. You want to... There you go. Hold on. I know what I heard when I heard it and I’m calling bullshit. You want a fool.

Caller: No, I just want things on my terms.

KS: Yes you do. No, exactly, that’s right. You want things on your term. And guess what? If you could have things on your term, you would have had it already because you’ve already had plenty of high level men. How come you haven’t cashed out before twenty-seven?

Caller: Oh, no, no, no, I don’t want to be married to those men. Number two, most of them were older, like in their fifties and sixties.

KS: Who the fuck do you think makes this kind of money, ma’am? Twenty year olds? See, Jessica, this is what I’m talking about, the delusional woman. See, the world can have these. But we can’t have men acting like this. This is fucking delusional. You want a complete total package, but yet then you want the ability to go squirt out some kids, then you want to go right back in the corporate world because at the end of the day, you don’t want to really rely upon a man, depend upon a man. You want to control all the cards and these, and the guys that I know will stay away from you. They spot you coming and you’ll think they’re not messing with you because you were a sugar baby, because you had risqué pictures. No, they’re not going to mess with you because you’re a bad bet. I am not a therapist and I can tell all kind of shit is wrong with this. There’s no way in hell I would justify having any guy that has any kind of means to touch you. Because you don’t want to be married to be a wife. You want to be married... No, no, no, stay in the sugar baby world. Stack your money and get you a boy toy because to get a real masculine provider male, you’re looking for a sucker, a beta male provider. Don’t deal with those.

Caller: OK, so what do you think I should work on to get to my goals because I already know...

KS: My thing is this: why you think so little of men?

Caller: Well, what I have experienced with them that, my experiences have made me think so little of them because I’ve seen what they’ve done behind...

KS: OK, such as?

Caller: Leaving their wives and children at home, coming to see someone, lying to their families and all those things. I have been the woman on the other side and I have experienced it. I know what...

KS: OK, so let me ask you a question.

Caller: Yeah.

KS: One, why were you dealing with sugar daddies like that?

Caller: Why was I dealing with them? Because money.

KS: Right, so... Jessica, I put you on mute because I want to have this conversation. Yes, but you have the right of refusal. Yet you chose to deal with sugar daddies that lack character because of the money.

Caller: Most men that get in this hobby...

KS: No, ma’am, that is not true.

Caller: Most.

KS: No, ma’am, that is not true.

Caller: Outliers.

KS: No, ma’am, that is not true. And I’m not going to let you put that bullshit out here about most men. Those men that you decided to work with. I know more, I know too many guys that are not this way and when I was out there, I wasn’t this way. You took the highest bidder and you didn’t worry about character. So don’t pretend to try to make character an issue now when you were involved in adultery, when you were involved in being a mistress. The nerve of you. But let me go ahead and move on to the next subject because of the men you’ve chosen to interact with, what kind of therapy have you actually gotten on an individual level?

Caller: I’m actually going right now. I have been going for six months now.

KS: Good, because...

Caller: And one thing I realized is that I had a lot of daddy issues.

KS: Yes.

Caller: I guess that’s why I was very attracted to most of them. I was using them to fill that hole and gap and I’m realizing that now. But in a few years I actually want to move on to the next chapter of my life.

KS: Stop right there. Let me give , I need you to focus on what I’m about to say, right?

Caller: OK.

KS: You don’t get to put a clock on this. You are twenty-seven. You have daddy issues. And you’ve only been in counseling for six months. You don’t get to say: in two years I’m ready to move on. You’re ready to move on when you’ve worked the process. If it’s two years, it’s two years. If it’s fifteen, it’s fifteen. But at the end of the day, the woman that’s on this phone right now, you have a negative opinion of men. And no man deserves to have to deal with a woman like that. Especially a man with resources. Again, ma’am, you’re in, I want you to listen to what I’m about to say. If you are in therapy for the last six months, you, the one question I asked you, you did not take accountability. I asked you: why did you choose to deal with men who upfront you knew what they were, married, whatever. You could have chosen to say: I don’t deal with guys like that. I only deal with unmarried men. You could have chosen it. Yes?

Caller: Married men are more generous.

KS: I didn’t... Right. So, the question, the answer is, so ma’am, but the direct answer is: yes, I could have chosen to deal with non-married men, but married men are more generous. Is that a yes or no question?

Caller: Yes.

KS: Right. So you chose to deal with married men. Yes or no?

Caller: Yes.

KS: OK, then stop sounding like you have a moral high ground when you chose to deal with a married man.

Caller: I mean, I’m not saying I have a high moral ground. I’m just saying my experience and this is what my experience was.

KS: You chose your experience, ma’am. You chose your...

Caller: Yeah, I chose my experience.

KS: So, my question is this really: if ultimately you knew one day you wanted to get out of this game...

Caller: Mm-hm.

KS: ...you chose to mess around with married men knowing it was having, when you could have chose to take less money and deal with unmarried men. You chose the money.

Caller: Mm-hm.

KS: You’re a horror story waiting to happen because it’s all on the men. Come back and listen to the show. I’m not even looking at the comments section. Come back and listen to this show. It’s all been on the men. Your negative impact, your negative impression of men is because of your experience with men, but you are 100% in control of who you decide to interact with. No one put a gun to your head and said you had to go with married men.

Caller: Mm-hm.

KS: No one. So what you’re really afraid of, honestly, is one, daddy issues. Two, you’re afraid of that karma and chickens coming home to roost. You’re afraid that you get with one of these provider kind of men and then some new young sugar baby’s gonna be fucking and sucking your boyfriend, your husband on the side. That’s why you want to go back to work because if you find that out happens, you want to run his ass through the family court system, take all his shit and still have some of your stuff to go with. You are a problem. There’s no way in hell I would recommend any of my guys get anywhere near you. You’re a fucking nuclear Chernobyl disaster. Stay in counseling. Leave good men the fuck alone. You don’t qualify for it, from your own moral choices.

Caller: Right.

KS: We all have to deal with what we have to deal with and see if there were a man on the other side, I would tell him a similar thing. But you don’t get to just decide to... shake it all off and then to expect to go get an upstanding man. No, it’s not how that works, ma’am.

Caller: So that’s not how that works, OK.

KS: No, but kudos to you for being in therapy. Stay in therapy. Let, work the therapy and then when you are really ready to take accountability for yourself and your choices and you can say, yeah. Then you’ll be more likely, you’ll be more capable of finding something that’s going to be fulfilling to where you won’t need a plan B or an exit strategy.

Caller: So do you think if I will, if I reach that place mentally and emotionally, shall I be honest about the past or shall I just keep it to my self?

KS: I would say be honest. Honesty always works. We live in a connected digital world and here’s the thing: you’d be amazed. Many guys, come on, if you’re a beautiful woman, guys expect beautiful and powerful... If you’re a beautiful woman, guys expect powerful men and men with resources to be around you. It’s not uncommon. But you’re judging it harshly. I would say you’re judging it harshly in large part due to your current mind state. Give it some time, ma’am. You’re twenty-seven. You’ve only been in six months. Give it a couple years. And then you’ll come back and you may realize: I look at this completely different. It’s still too new for you right now. OK?

Caller: OK, I will give that a shot.

KS: Thank you. All right, bye bye.